Monday, January 31, 2011

On my mind...

This entry doesn't really have anything to do with homeschooling, but it's something that's on my mind tonight. Tomorrow is my birthday and I am really not in the mood to observe it this year. To be honest, I feel guilty about observing it... I just want to ignore it. Two and a half weeks ago my sister-in-law passed away, unexpectedly and under suspicious circumstances, and it looks like we may never know exactly what happened. My husband's family is just... reeling. She was only 43 years old, and she had 3 children. My heart absolutely breaks for them. There are so many unanswered questions, and an atmosphere of tension, anger, pain, and sadness hovering over everyone. It just feels completely ridiculous to celebrate a birthday right now, especially knowing that she will not get to celebrate any more birthdays of her own. I know that may be a silly way to think about it, but that's how I'm feeling.

These past couple weeks have left me with a sense of helplessness, in that I want to do something to be helpful and supportive, but... what? I feel unable to offer much in the way of comforting words - every time I hear someone say "It's God's plan" or "Everything happens for a reason" I just cringe. I think that's a load of crap. I simply don't believe in a mythical being in the sky watching over us. I don't know what happens to people when they die. I don't say "You're in my prayers" because that would be a lie - I don't believe in praying, and I also don't believe in lying to people. I care very deeply about my family and I have tried to communicate that to them as much as possible. It's awful to see them all hurting so much. I know that as time passes it will get better, but for now, ugh. No parties please.


  1. Well, I'm really really glad that you were born, so I'm still gonna say Happy Birthday! The world became a little bit brighter on this day in 1977. Ooops, I gave away your age, sorry. You've enhanced the lives of more people than you could possibly imagine, and you deserve to be celebrated no matter what. The way you are feeling simply shows just how compassionate and selfless you are - two qualities that help make you one of the best people I know!

  2. It know it doesn't sound like much, but just being there to listen, to provide a shoulder to cry on, to be someone to bounce questions and concerns off of IS enough. The most common reaction when my brother passed away last year was, "What can I say?" unfortunately there are no words to make it easier but knowing someone was there for us made a world of difference.

    I hope you enjoyed your birthday. :)


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