On the culture of fear in our society...

I just shared this on Facebook but wanted to share it here too.

Last week, I stopped home from the grocery to put some frozen food away before heading back out to visit my mother-in-law. I came out of the house 3 minutes later to find a strange woman parked in my driveway, yelling to me "ARE THESE KIDS OKAY? THEY'RE IN THIS CAR WITH THE WINDOWS UP!" First of all, yes they are fine, I ran in the house and came right back out. Second of all, they are both big enough to exit the car on their own if they get hot. Third of all, get the hell off my property! Okay, I didn't say the last one except in my head, but really? I spent the rest of that day wondering if I was going to receive a call from the authorities. I understand that people want to look out for the safety of children, but sometimes it gets a little out of control and crosses into nosy busybody territory.

Someone posted this article on FB this morning http://www.salon.com/2014/06/03/the_day_i_left_my_son_in_the_car/, and even though it's kind of long, it's a worthy read.  It shows how, not only do we have to live in constant fear of terrible things happening everywhere (according the media, anyway), now we have to be afraid of the people who are so afraid of bad things happening that they feel entitled to involve themselves and law enforcement into the lives of strangers over the most minute concerns.  And while I don't agree with what this mother did - I would never leave my 4 year old alone in a mall parking lot even if it was only for 5 minutes - but I don't think it's necessarily criminal.  It just pisses me off, what this mom had to go through.  The worst part is how her son now fears the police and is afraid to have her leave his side because he's afraid someone will kidnap him, since you know, there are kidnappers lurking EVERYWHERE.  Right?

For further reading, look up Lenore Skenazy (mentioned in the above article) and her blog Free Range Kids.  If you're not familiar with her, she's the mom who let her very capable 9-year-old son use the subway on his own and received outrage for it.  Her blog is a breath of (rational!) fresh air.

Stark Contrast

I wrote this several days ago and have been on the fence about posting it, mostly out of fear that people I know IRL might stumble across it and take offense to it.  But I decided - this is my blog, where I get to say what I want, and this is what's on my mind...

I'm not sure if I will even post this, but I am going to let myself write it anyway to organize and clarify my thoughts.  In the span of a week, I have attended two very different homeschool group meetings.  The first was a new one for me - a group of unschoolers.  To me, unschooling simply means child-led or child-directed learning, which is pretty much what we do - I've just been hesitant to label us as such yet.  So I was really looking forward to meeting other unschoolers and learning what exactly unschooling means to them.  A few of the moms I knew from Lego Club, but most of them I had not met before.  This group was fun, relaxed, passionate about their kids - and deeply respectful of them as individuals, and they seemed to be very open-minded - one even mentioned that she was not a Christian, which made me do a little happy dance inside my head.  I felt comfortable and I liked everyone right away.  There was so much energy - there were several different conversations going on the whole time, and I was constantly torn between which one to listen to/participate in.  I kind of felt like "A-ha!  Here is the group I've been looking for!"

Compare that to the meeting I went to last night.  This was the religious group I wrote about before.  I have been to several of their meetings and I am really having a hard time feeling comfortable there. 

Lost my kid at the mall today...

...for about 30 seconds.  The longest, most terrifying 30 seconds of my life.  This is the first time I have ever lost a kid in a public place.  Although I generally abhor malls, we made our annual trek there with my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and nieces, to visit Santa.  We had just arrived and gotten in line.  I took off Bug's coat, and in the moment it took me to stuff it into my bag, I looked up and he had vanished.  Completely.  I looked around wildly in all directions, and saw no sign of him.  I asked Monkeyman if he saw where Bug went, and he said no.  I thought of all the different ways he could have gone, all the nooks and crannies he could disappear into, and I was instantly reduced to a blindly panicked mother animal.  I ran back and forth across the fence surrounding the train next to Santa, to see if he had gone around either corner... nope, no Bug.  After a few more frantic moments a woman asked me, "Who are you looking for?" and I replied, on the verge of tears, "A little boy in a green shirt."  She pointed... "Is that him?"  And there he was.  He had squeezed into a small space between a bench and the fence, to get a better view of the train going around inside.  The crowd of people around the bench and the bench itself had blocked him from my view entirely.  I know it can't have been more than 30 seconds, possibly it was even less, but it felt like forever.  I was so relieved, tears sprang to my eyes as a few kind moms expressed sympathy and said words to me that I barely heard, about having had similar experiences.  I had to hold onto the fence to steady myself for a moment.  Every day I feel lucky to have these amazing boys, but for the rest of the day today I felt extra grateful to have my Little Bug in my arms - even when he was grouchy and clingy, I truly didn't mind a bit.

I can't even think about the small number of parents who have had this same experience... only to not have been so fortunate to be tucking their kids into bed later that night.  I can't even go there.

Product Reviews: Wasp Wand and Waspinator

I just wanted to quickly mention two products that have made my life a bit easier. They are:

the Wasp Wand

and

the Waspinator.

We have always had a terrible problem with wasps around the back of our house, which is also where the kids' play area is located. Unfortunately I inherited my Mom's paralyzing phobia of stinging/buzzing/EVIL insects, and I would always be a nervous wreck when the kids were playing outside because the darn things were everywhere. Well, no longer, thanks to this super-duo of products! The Wasp Wand is basically an extension pole that holds a can of wasp spray, so that you can safely and thoroughly reach high places where they live. ( Yes I know this is not a very "green" method but I don't care. When it comes to wasps, I am the opposite of green - I guess that makes me "red", according to the color wheel. I'm totally okay with that.) So my dear husband sprayed the heck out of the eaves all around the house and finally managed to eradicate them. BUT, they always end up coming back after a while. This is where the second product comes in. The Waspinator basically works like a scarecrow, except for wasps. It's just a fake wasp nest. Apparently, they are very territorial creatures, and if they see an established nest they will stay away. I have had it up for several weeks now, and I must say I'm kind of blown away with the results. I can now relax and enjoy my backyard and let the children play without following them around looking out for wasps and nests like a paranoid freak.

Here's my Waspinator hanging from the awning above the back door. (Hubby's garden is visible between the house & the swingset.) Thank you kind people in the wasp control industry!

So I joined a new club...

I am typically not a "joiner" but I did become a member of a new club this past weekend. That club would be - "Parents Who Have Had a Sick Child in the Hospital".

I have felt my heart drop at the words "Oh wow. Yeah, we're gonna have to admit him." from an ER doctor. I have held down my terrified, screaming child while nurses inserted an IV in his arm. I have spent the long night alone in a hospital room, rocking a crying, squirming baby with multiple tubes and wires connected to him, trying to keep everything from being tangled or ripped out. I have experienced the frustration of finally, finally getting him to sleep only to be woken by a nurse minutes later, to take his temperature and blood pressure. I have laid awake on an uncomfortable fold-out couch in a hospital room, thinking of all the other Mommies and Daddies who have also laid awake there, worrying about their little ones - many of them having to deal with much, much worse than the comparatively minor problems that my Bug had. I have handed my precious baby over to a nurse to be carried away from me and operated on and I have waited in a surgical waiting room, queasy with anticipation for it to be over and for all to be okay. I have experienced reaching the end of my limits and receiving help from a dear loved one just as I needed it, in my sister-in-law showing up after her 12 hour shift as an ICU nurse to rock my unconsolable baby for two hours. I have waited through those slowly ticking minutes and hours for the healing to be going along well enough to be permitted to go home...

...and I have felt the relief, the sensation of a huge weight sliding off of my shoulders, as I walked out of the hospital with my little boy in my arms.