Kids Say the Darndest, Prayer Edition

Just a quick funny bit that I want to record...

This year was Monkey's first time playing a team sport, and tonight was his baseball team picnic.  It was held at the local park, and after letting the kids play for a little bit, the coach called everyone in to partake of the potluck dinner.  He announced that it was time to say grace.  Inwardly, I cringed.  I realized that this is something that Monkey hasn't been exposed to much, since we obviously don't pray and the times he's been around it at other places, he didn't really notice what was going on.  I made eye contact with Monkey and signaled to him to be quiet.  In my head, I was thinking, please don't talk during the prayer, please don't talk during the prayer, please don't talk during the prayer.  The coach rambled on for a few moments:  "... blah blah blah... the shed blood of Jesus Christ..." Oh no, he said blood.  Monkey will certainly notice and comment on that!  "..blah blah blah... amen."  Whew!  We made it!  Got thru the blessing without incident!  Yay!

And then Monkey said, loudly and clearly,  "WHAT DID WE HAFTA DO THAT FOR?"

Facepalm.  For just a beat, it was silent, but then Shane & I laughed and then everyone else did too.  But it was definitely a little awkward.  Ah the joys of being a nonreligious person in a small and very religious town.  Monkey had a great time though, and was beyond thrilled to receive his first ever trophy!

Way to go, Monkeyman!

Later this evening, we did have a conversation where I explained what was going on.  I told him it's just something religious people do before they eat to be grateful for the food they got to eat and the people they got to be with, which is a nice idea.  And that next time it happens, to just be quiet and respectful and wait for it to be over and don't say anything.  He said, "Okay, Mom."  So, that was today's learning moment.

My Most Embarrassing Moment Ever

Okay, I wrote this about two weeks ago, and have been debating about actually posting it. You know, because it was My Most Embarrassing Moment Ever.

[8/20/2011] We were at the grocery store today, a rare excursion with just me and Monkeyman. Shane stayed home with Bug while he was napping. As I mentioned before, Monkeyman has been in this defiant, mouthy phase, and I have been struggling with figuring out how to deal with it. I thought getting some alone time with Mom and having some one-on-one attention would be a special treat, but our "just the two of us" trip did not end well. At all. We were in the aisle at the grocery store, and he was asking for some cookies. I told him to pick one kind, but that we weren't getting both. Then... it happened. He said a very, very bad word. He dropped the F-bomb. Not only that, but he used it correctly in a sentence. He said "What the F--- is wrong with you?" My jaw dropped open. Right at that moment, an elderly lady was passing us in the aisle, and she released an audible, long drawn-out gasp of shock and horror. I was mortified. My brain froze for a moment as I tried to figure out how to respond. Then I grabbed his arm, dragged him close to me, knelt down so we were eye-to-eye, and very sternly told him that I had better never hear that word come out of his mouth again. This was his one warning, and if he ever did it again, I would smack his mouth. He could tell I was serious, and livid. I decided at that point to scrap the rest of the shopping list, and headed straight for the checkout. I thought about just abandoning the cart and leaving, but it was pretty full and it didn't seem fair for some poor employee to have to go around putting my stuff back just because of my kid's bad behavior. Then, as we were standing in line, he kept saying, "I'll listen to you, if you don't hurt me." (referencing my threat to smack his mouth - we are generally not a corporal punishment family). I'm sure the other customers in the store probably thought I was some kind of horrible abusive mother or something. I just wanted to crawl in a hole - couldn't get out of there fast enough.

I'm not gonna lie, I have been known to swear like a sailor at times (although I have NEVER said the above phrase to him), like when I've stubbed my toe, or gotten cut off in traffic, or when something about the world really pisses me off. In general, bad words don't really bother me - I mean, they're just words, and I'm kind of a "sticks & stones" girl I guess. Usually if I slip and swear in front of him, he will reprimand me, "BAD WORD MOMMY!" and I will say, "You're right, I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry." He does this even if I say darn or shucks, so it was quite a shock to hear him say what he said. It is quite clear to me now that I need to step up my efforts of leading by example in the vocabulary department. Thank goodness he didn't say it at a homeschooling gathering. I don't know what I'd do - I don't think I could ever go back. One more thing to be anxious about...