On Secular Parenting

I've seen this article going around, and I am so tempted to re-share it on Facebook.  But since I am still semi- in the closet regarding my heathen status there, and this is my space to say and share whatever I want... it's going here.  It's a great article about a study on how secular family values compare to those in religious families.  Maybe I will yet get up the nerve to share it elsewhere...

http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-0115-zuckerman-secular-parenting-20150115-story.html

Recent Conversation I Had

Recently, I was at a local Metro Park hiking with my kids.  Another hiker came along from the opposite direction with two small dogs.  My boys asked for permission to pet his dogs and he said yes, so they started petting them.  And then...

Perfect Stranger:  So, do you go to church around here?
Me:  No.
Perfect Stranger:  Aww, why don't you take these little guys to church?
Me:  Um... it's not our thing.
Perfect Stranger:  ...
Me (sensing that he was working on coming up with another persuasive statement):  No, thanks!

And we continued our separate ways down the path.  I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but I have been stewing about this.  It really rubbed me the wrong way.  Let's examine that one little statement again.

Aww, why don't you take these little guys to church?

I know the guy meant well and he thought he was being friendly.  He thought he was doing what he was supposed to do by trying to share the message or bring someone new into his church or whatever.  From his perspective, it's like he has a great big plate of cookies, and he just wants to share them with everybody, right?  But asking me why I don't take my kids to church, implies that I should.  And if I'm not doing something that I should be doing, that implies that I'm failing in some way as a parent and should feel concerned or even... guilty about that, right?

No.  No, no, no, no, no.

First of all, these are pretty personal questions to be asking a complete stranger.  And last time I checked, implying that a total stranger is somehow parenting their children incorrectly is A) just plain rude, and B) not a good strategy to win someone over.  I would never have the audacity to walk up to someone, ask if they take their kids to church, and then ask "WHY?" if they replied "Yes".  That would be rude, correct?  So why is it socially acceptable for it to happen the other way around?  It shouldn't be.

I turned the conversation around in my head for a long time, wondering if I should have said something else or if I should have given him a piece of my mind, but I'm glad I didn't.  I'm sure that would have just given him fuel to take back to church with him, "Oh, I met this angry atheist in the park the other day [shudder]..."  No, I'm glad I gave him exactly as much of my time as he deserved.

I fully respect everyone's right to believe and live as they wish - even if I do not share those beliefs - and I would just like to receive the same consideration and respect.  I should be able to go for a walk in the woods with my kids without a stranger needlessly shoving his religion down my throat and rudely implying that I'm doing parenting wrong.  Making judgemental/opinionated statements about religion is not appropriate when engaging in small talk with random strangers whose belief systems you know nothing about.  There are millions of other things to talk about.  If you really cannot think of any other topic to discuss in a small talk situation, you need to work on your social skills.





/rant
Thanks, internet, I feel better now.

Kids Say the Darndest, Prayer Edition

Just a quick funny bit that I want to record...

This year was Monkey's first time playing a team sport, and tonight was his baseball team picnic.  It was held at the local park, and after letting the kids play for a little bit, the coach called everyone in to partake of the potluck dinner.  He announced that it was time to say grace.  Inwardly, I cringed.  I realized that this is something that Monkey hasn't been exposed to much, since we obviously don't pray and the times he's been around it at other places, he didn't really notice what was going on.  I made eye contact with Monkey and signaled to him to be quiet.  In my head, I was thinking, please don't talk during the prayer, please don't talk during the prayer, please don't talk during the prayer.  The coach rambled on for a few moments:  "... blah blah blah... the shed blood of Jesus Christ..." Oh no, he said blood.  Monkey will certainly notice and comment on that!  "..blah blah blah... amen."  Whew!  We made it!  Got thru the blessing without incident!  Yay!

And then Monkey said, loudly and clearly,  "WHAT DID WE HAFTA DO THAT FOR?"

Facepalm.  For just a beat, it was silent, but then Shane & I laughed and then everyone else did too.  But it was definitely a little awkward.  Ah the joys of being a nonreligious person in a small and very religious town.  Monkey had a great time though, and was beyond thrilled to receive his first ever trophy!

Way to go, Monkeyman!

Later this evening, we did have a conversation where I explained what was going on.  I told him it's just something religious people do before they eat to be grateful for the food they got to eat and the people they got to be with, which is a nice idea.  And that next time it happens, to just be quiet and respectful and wait for it to be over and don't say anything.  He said, "Okay, Mom."  So, that was today's learning moment.

Anyone Interested in a Meetup in Cinci?

Last year I wrote about going to the Cincinnati Homeschool Convention, and my mixed feelings about it, as a non-religious person.  Well, I had a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday - another non-religious person who is strongly considering homeschooling - and we have decided make a day trip together on Saturday, April 6th.  I just wondered if any of my fellow bloggers were thinking about going and would be interested in a brief meetup while we're there?  I'd love to meet some of my like-minded internet friends in person!  Just wanted to put the idea out there...

Dear North Carolina:

This video puts my feelings into words better than I could have done myself...  (disclaimer: bad words)

So, I went to the Homeschool Convention...

On Saturday, I went to the big Homeschool Convention in Cincinnati, Ohio.  My last post was about my mixed feelings about going, since it is a Christian - and strongly Creationist - event, and I am neither of those things.

This glossy, 8 1/2 x 11, two-page foldout brochure was included with the convention map/program I received at registration.

This photo was taken from the second floor windows looking down into the exhibit hall.  Doesn't really do it justice, though - it was much more crowded than it looks here.  It was late in the day and people were starting to pack it in by the time I took this.  It is such a huge event; they actually used double the amount of floor space in the exhibit hall than they used when I was there just three years ago.

One one hand, it was helpful that a lot of it didn't apply to me.  I'd estimate that at least 60-70% was directly related to Creationism and/or the Biblical worldview.  If so many of those booths hadn't been so easily skippable, I would never have been able to get through the whole thing in a day.  But most of the kooky ones are pretty easily marked, so I could just walk down the line going "Nope, nope, nope, don't need to go there, nope..."

On the other hand, knowing that there is such an enormous market for Creationist materials out there, walking in the midst of it all in person, did make my brain feel all itchy - it's truly disturbing to experience firsthand how many people actually believe that stuff.   I felt like a hypocrite for being there because I am so deeply opposed to Creationism and I don't want to support the cause in any way.

So, guess where I'm going tomorrow?

Disclaimer:  I will be mentioning my less-than-positive feelings about Creationism in this post.  If you are a Creationist - sorry.  I sincerely respect your right to have different beliefs from me, but I don't hold any respect for the beliefs themselves.  If you have a problem with me having differing beliefs from you, by all means feel free to skip this post.

I am going to Cincinnati.  To the ginormous Homeschooling Convention there.  The uber-fundie-Christian one.  The one I had resolved not to give my money to ever again.  What changed my mind?  Well, my Uncle - a public school teacher - has a side business and is developing some new kind of software program to help teach kids to read.  He has been picking my brain about the homeschool community lately, to ascertain if his product would be good for the homeschooling market as well.  I told him that it's probably a bigger market than he thinks and that there are LOTS of people out there, and many of us try many different things to find what works with each kid, so yeah, there probably would be some interest.  I told him he should definitely check out the convention to see what's out there, what people are charging, etc.  So he invited me to go with him - he's driving me there and paying for our registration... so technically, I am not giving them money from my own pocket... although they will still be receiving money, which does bother me.

I went to this convention 3 years ago with my mom, when my husband and I were considering the idea of homeschooling, to find out what all was "out there".  I actually really enjoyed it, and was amazed by how big it was and how many people were there.  And all of those people, and especially the kids, were so darn NICE!  There's a huge exhibit hall full of vendors of all kinds, from curriculum, to games & toys, books, funny t-shirts, etc.  And there were tons of lectures, a few of which we checked out and found to be very useful and informational, as far as learning styles, teaching methods, creative ideas, etc.  There was one lecture that was so ridiculous, though, that we had to walk out of it.  I can't even remember what it was, but I remember realizing after sitting there that it wasn't simply an informational lecture but a sales pitch, and the guy still hadn't gotten around to telling us exactly what his product was - just that it was *so* amazing. 

Anyways, I considered it a pretty good experience overall, except for one thing:  Creationism.  It was everywhere.  Until I attended that convention, I honestly had no idea that it had such a large following.  I was blown away.  Nearly every science curriculum was Bible-based, and nearly every history curriculum began with Adam and Eve.  I remember shushing my mom, when she exclaimed loudly and sarcastically, "Oh yeah!  Let's start our history program with mythological characters!" and chuckled.  (And she's a Christian!)  It is definitely a very fundamentalist Christian event, barely inclusive of any other ideologies.  Which quite obviously makes me uncomfortable.  I'll definitely have to work extra hard to bite my tongue throughout the day, although there is a small part of me that thinks it would be interesting to show up in a t-shirt with an "A" on it or a photo of Darwin with a heart around it or something.  But non-confrontational me would never do that, and it would really serve no purpose.

Each year since, I've thought about going again, just for all of the good stuff that's there - because there *was* quite a bit of good stuff - but just couldn't bring myself to shell out any more money to help further their cause.  But my Uncle asked and I said yes, and now I need to get myself to bed so I can get up early for the long drive.  It'll be nice to spend some time with him and I'm sure we'll have some interesting chats on the way there & back.  Also, I'm sure it will give me plenty to write about here... so wish me luck!

Funny Stuff

For those who are easily offended - move along, nothing to see here...

This is a response to this post by Leanna from Life on the Hill, who wrote about holding back on posting on Facebook, all of the funny atheist stuff she comes across.  I often hold back posting things too, out of fear of offending anyone.  But this blog is where I get to share what I want, so here are a couple of my favorites for you, Leanna - enjoy!  :)

I've seen this passage all over the place, but this particular image came from a poster on Zazzle.com

From a t-shirt on Cafepress.com.  Want!

Stark Contrast

I wrote this several days ago and have been on the fence about posting it, mostly out of fear that people I know IRL might stumble across it and take offense to it.  But I decided - this is my blog, where I get to say what I want, and this is what's on my mind...

I'm not sure if I will even post this, but I am going to let myself write it anyway to organize and clarify my thoughts.  In the span of a week, I have attended two very different homeschool group meetings.  The first was a new one for me - a group of unschoolers.  To me, unschooling simply means child-led or child-directed learning, which is pretty much what we do - I've just been hesitant to label us as such yet.  So I was really looking forward to meeting other unschoolers and learning what exactly unschooling means to them.  A few of the moms I knew from Lego Club, but most of them I had not met before.  This group was fun, relaxed, passionate about their kids - and deeply respectful of them as individuals, and they seemed to be very open-minded - one even mentioned that she was not a Christian, which made me do a little happy dance inside my head.  I felt comfortable and I liked everyone right away.  There was so much energy - there were several different conversations going on the whole time, and I was constantly torn between which one to listen to/participate in.  I kind of felt like "A-ha!  Here is the group I've been looking for!"

Compare that to the meeting I went to last night.  This was the religious group I wrote about before.  I have been to several of their meetings and I am really having a hard time feeling comfortable there. 

Everything that is supposed to be in heaven...

I just love, love, LOVE this image and had to share.  In other words:  love, beauty, and joy are always all around us, if we simply allow ourselves to see and experience it.   Click here to see London artist Robert Ryan's store on etsy.  His beautiful work is made of intricately cut paper.  I discovered him via this video posted on The Kid Should See This.  Here's wishing everyone a Love-, Beauty-, and Joy-filled New Year!

 Good stuff... just had to share.  Came across both of these at Silver Outlined Window.  (Click to see full-size if you can't read 'em.)

Dear Santa...

Today I helped Monkeyman write his first letter to Santa.  He dictated and I wrote:

"Dear Santa,

I want a scooter, and I need a helmet and knee pads for it.  And I want a drum set.  Oh, and I want a dirtbike Wii game too.  I want a guitar.  I want my drum set to have cymbals.  Let me think some more.  I'm thinking about having a pet, like a little dog.  I can like Noodle and another dog too.  I want him to be white and brown and red and yellow.  And green.  I want a toy clock that's blue & yellow, with buttons on it.  I want it to be a cuckoo clock with a goose in it.  I want a new toy train to go on the train table on the porch.  A new hat that is red and yellow and blue.  You should give me all these things because I like you, and I like toys.  Also, I'd like my scooter to be red and yellow and blue and green.  So whenever we go to a park, I can have a scooter to ride on.  Also a toy computer with a whole bunch of games on it, with Legos on it.  Also a Lego forest with a whole bunch of guys that swing around on some ropes.  I think that's all.  Thank you.

Love,
Monkeyman

PS.  My Mommy wrote this for me but I told her what to write.

PPS.  Bug would like a toy piano, that's red yellow green blue indigo and violet and orange."

 
This was exciting to me because it's kind of his first "writing exercise" and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing what he came up with.  I did try a few times to gently steer him away from all the "I wants" but he wasn't having any part of it, he just had to get his thoughts out.  (Ah well, he's five.  Maybe a bit more decorum next year?)  I think I'm going to come up with some prompts and have him dictate some stories for me, until he learns how to write fluently himself.  I've read about others using this method, and after this exercise, he seems to be ready for it.  It was fun for both of us, and he seemed quite pleased with himself for "writing" that whole long letter.  When he decided he was done, he signed his name and we put it into an envelope which he then "addressed."  I wanted to save it forever, but he is intent on giving it to the mailman tomorrow.  (I did scan it so I have a copy at least.)  Monkeyman was planning on standing out front and holding his hand up *makes a STOP gesture* to get the mailman to stop and take his letter.  However, I assured him that just sticking it in the mailbox and putting the flag up will get the job done just as well.  Gotta love the magic of Christmas!**


**Yes, I know I'm an Atheist, but I have to agree wholeheartedly with Leanna's recent post at Life on the Hill - I have always loved Christmas and I will always celebrate it.  I love sending cards, baking cookies, putting up the tree, decorating the house, driving around looking at Christmas lights, spending time with the people who matter most to me, and finding ways to show my appreciation and love for them.  I don't need to be a Christian to do any of that stuff.  Also, although it may seem like a contradiction to let my kids believe in Santa - it is only a temporary belief.  I think a little bit of magic is okay in childhood.  Some of my fondest early memories involve the wonder of Christmas and I don't think I ever felt damaged by eventually finding out the truth.  Actually, I think that realization may have played a part in helping me realize that certain other things weren't real either - much, much farther down the road...

Today's Civics Lesson: Voting

Today I took Monkeyman with me to the polls.  On the way there, I explained that today was Election Day and that on this day each year, everyone in our country gets to go and vote to pick their community's leaders, and also to give our opinions on the rules for how things work (issues).  I told him that when he grows up, since he loves being helpful, maybe he would like to run for office and get elected so he could help make decisions about how things are done.

We arrived and fortunately there was no wait at all.  I signed in and was given my card to put into the machine, so I handed it to Monkeyman and let him do it.  Then I pointed out each of my choices and let him select them on the screen.  Finally, I had him click "Submit Ballot".

He then returned the card to the poll worker, and received his "I <3 Voting" sticker** from her.

His reaction?  He thought the voting computers were really cool, and I know he felt special to be a kid participating in this exclusively grownup event.  I think that actually taking him to the voting booth with me and physically involving him in the process is a much more effective way of helping him learn about Election Day and how our government works than simply reading about it from a textbook.  Just another example of how real life is a simple and powerful teaching tool.  Tomorrow we will be looking up the results together to see how my choices fared.  When he's a little older, I'll involve him in the process of researching the candidates/issues and helping me choose who/what to vote for too.  What better critical-thinking exercise is there?

So - anyone else take your kids to the polls with you?  I'd love to hear about it and what the kiddos thought of the experience.

**Side note:  I personally helped choose that sticker that Monkeyman is wearing too!  After being alerted by The Friendly Atheist to the online poll that was being held at the Ohio Secretary of State's website earlier this year, I did my part in voting for this one and helping defeat the stickers with religious messages on them (how the heck is that Constitutional anyway?!?), and helped keep up that precious wall of separation between Church and State.  Made me smile to see those stickers on the table today.

Dear religious parents who shun your Atheist children: you're doing it wrong.

My mom and I have had lots of discussions about religion and spirituality. She knows that I am an Atheist and why; we respect each others' points of view, and simply agree to disagree on the subject of God. She started a blog a while back but never writes on it, and I was teasing her about it the other day. She said that she just doesn't have anything to say (Which is a LIE! She always has lots to say and she's totally robbing the world by not posting it on her blog!) so I jokingly suggested she write about "the crushing disappointment of having an Atheist daughter" ...so she did. You can read what she wrote here. To any religious parents out there: THIS is how you are supposed to treat your non-religious children - as if they were, you know, people you actually love and respect. I have heard plenty of stories of people whose parents coldly shun/disown them, or conversely - launch a constant barrage of impassioned attempts to win them "back into the fold." These people cannot bear the horror of having their children rationally thinking for themselves, and are willing to put their passion for religion above their passion for their own children. Shame on them. (And shame on any religious group or authority that encourages that kind of behavior.) I mean, is that *really* what Jesus would do?

So I just wanted to say: Thanks, Mom!

My first homeschool support group meeting

I went to my first homeschool support group meeting the other night. This is the same group that held the curriculum sale that I attended and wrote about a while back. They are the nearest group to us geographically, and therefore the most convenient, but I was apprehensive because this is a religious group (and I am decidedly un-religious), and I wasn't sure what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it does have something to offer for us. The meeting wasn't too overwhelmingly religious, although it did open and close with a prayer, and there were occasional mentions of "raising children up right in their faith" and stuff like that, but it was more peripheral than oppressive. (Well, there was one lady - who was not a member of the group, but was a visiting representative of a program that we will definitely NOT be participating in - mentioned in hushed tones that she didn't like that her grown children are exposed to *gasp* homosexuals out in the world. WOW. Oh, and I also overheard a conversation where one woman warned the other about a local museum's planetarium program mentioning evolution. Cringe.) There were 26 women there, not counting me, and they all seemed very nice and welcoming. It did feel good to be in a group where we are all on the same page, at least in the educational department. The atmosphere was lighthearted and supportive, and there was a lot of laughter throughout the meeting. First, we went around the room, saying our names, the ages of our kids, how long we've been homeschooling, and what we're looking forward to this year. I said I'm looking forward to just seeing what all is out there, and meeting other homeschoolers and getting started. It was very informative, with a general overview of the group, followed by information about various programs and who was in charge of what. It was nice to put faces to some of the names I had seen already in the Yahoo and Facebook groups online. This is a pretty active group, with lots of events, co-op classes, and field trips - and what is most attractive to me are the field trips. I am going to take it slow and not overwhelm myself by signing up for too many, but there are a few that I think Max will really enjoy.

On their registration form, it declares that they are a Christian group, but that you don't have to be a Christian to be a member. I like that they are at least open minded enough to make that statement, so I decided to go ahead and join. I still feel somehow deceptive though (wolf in sheep's clothing?) but I'm trying to be optimistic and hope it won't be an issue. We'll see how it goes...

Book Review: Misquoting Jesus

I recently finished Misquoting Jesus: The Story Behind Who Changed the Bible and Why by Bart Ehrman.


It's a fascinating and eye-opening account of the history of the New Testament and the study of the oldest, "nearest-to-original" copies of biblical manuscripts in existence. The big news (which isn't really news) is that we don't have any original copies of the Bible. Or copies of the original. Or copies of copies of copies of copies of the original... and so on... you get the idea. The very oldest manuscripts of the New Testament are from hundreds of years after the death of Jesus, and many of those are only fragments. Also, obviously, this was all done way before the printing press came along, so they were copied by hand. Ehrman describes how in the early days of Christianity, there weren't even professional scribes copying the books of the bible, just whoever happened to be the most literate people in a given congregation. So handwritten copies, by non-professionals, over hundreds of years = less than perfect results. Ehrman explains the detective work of how scholars study ancient manuscripts, looking for differences and then trying to determine which copy is the original, and also how and why the changes were made. Some instances were just mistakes, some were where the scribe thought there had been a mistake and tried to correct it, and some were where the text was changed on purpose to support the writer's and/or church's beliefs. It may sound kind of dry, but it was really quite interesting and educational, and it kept me turning the pages. I highly recommend it, whether you're religious or not. (Disclaimer: I am not religious, although I am interested in learning about all different religions, and plan to study them all with the boys in the process of homeschooling.)

Guest Post - Jim Gilliam "The Internet is My Religion"

Came across this today and just had to share it. It's so beautiful and thought provoking. Just... wow.



(via The Friendly Atheist)

Getting Out There, and Religion

On Monday night, I went to a used curriculum sale. Not only did I find some great stuff, but I got to scope out a local homeschool co-op for the first time. Well, not counting the "recess" day we went to the previous week at a huge indoor park (Amazone). We had a great time there and I did meet a few nice people, but I wasn't able to have a conversation with anyone for longer than about 60 seconds because I kept having to run off and chase Bug. At the sale, though, I was kid-free and able to meet and talk to several homeschooling moms and pick their brains. This is an area where I know I will constantly have to push myself out of my comfort zone, as I am not exactly a social butterfly. As an introvert, I am generally quite content in my own company and am not terribly outgoing. Although I am friendly, I am fairly shy and socially awkward - I guess that great public school socialization I received didn't quite "take". (Haha) But I feel like I need to get out there and get involved, for the kids' sake, and to have something to offer for critics' questions about socialization. I would be really happy to meet a few families of similar mindset, values, and interests to ours. The biggest hurdle for me is that most of the people I have come across so far are very religious, and we are not. Specifically, there seem to be many homeschoolers out there who are shunning school so they can teach their kids things like Intelligent Design and that the Earth is just 6,000 years old. Which I quite deeply disagree with. This co-op is actually at a large "megachurch" which already makes me a smidge uncomfortable. Not only am I struggling to keep others' differing beliefs from being a deal-breaker for me, in terms of forming potential friendships, but also to keep my views to myself and prevent my beliefs from being a deal-breaker for them as well. I think I can do this, but can they?

I grew up in a Christian family, went to church and all that... but as I got older I questioned the things I was taught more and more. Over time, as I have read and thought a lot about it, I have come to a point where I consider myself to be an Atheist. I am simply not sold on the idea of the existence of an all-powerful supernatural being. I think the human need to believe in such is primitive and unneccessary, and in my opinion, organized religion often functions as an instrument of control, using guilt, shame, and fear as their main tools. And I reject that. If there is any such thing as divinity, I think it exists within each individual, although it seems like most people are unable to recognize this in themselves. There seems to be a general perception of Atheists as angry, hateful, and without morals, which really bothers me. I am probably one of the happiest and most well-adjusted people you will ever meet. (I'm not saying I'm perfect or that I never have a cranky moment - I do have plenty of them! - but overall I'd say I'm on a pretty even keel.) On the rare occasion I have "come out" to someone as an Atheist, the reaction is always surprise. To quote my boss, "You?!? Really?!? But you're so... nice!" I have a strong sense of right and wrong, and I believe in being kind and treating others as I would like to be treated. I think the universe is a beautiful, mind-blowingly amazing place, and I am filled with a sense of awe when I contemplate it. And I just don't find that I need to have a God to feel that way.

Back to the homeschool co-op. It seems like a group of very nice people - I enjoyed the conversations I had and I felt welcome. I think it will be a great resource for us. Although I will continue to keep looking for more secular homeschool groups and events, I am going to try to keep an open mind and see what happens with this co-op too. After all, we do share this great common goal of nurturing and teaching our children, and raising them to be good, happy people.

Oh, and here are the goodies I came home with from the sale:


Many of the books were 50 cents or a dollar; the most expensive book I bought was $5. Not pictured is a cool number flipchart I got for 75 cents and a rotating multiplication/division tube/chart thing that was free. I got some books for the kids, some for me, and some "sample pieces" of curriculums I had been wanting to check out. Score!