On my mind...

This entry doesn't really have anything to do with homeschooling, but it's something that's on my mind tonight. Tomorrow is my birthday and I am really not in the mood to observe it this year. To be honest, I feel guilty about observing it... I just want to ignore it. Two and a half weeks ago my sister-in-law passed away, unexpectedly and under suspicious circumstances, and it looks like we may never know exactly what happened. My husband's family is just... reeling. She was only 43 years old, and she had 3 children. My heart absolutely breaks for them. There are so many unanswered questions, and an atmosphere of tension, anger, pain, and sadness hovering over everyone. It just feels completely ridiculous to celebrate a birthday right now, especially knowing that she will not get to celebrate any more birthdays of her own. I know that may be a silly way to think about it, but that's how I'm feeling.

These past couple weeks have left me with a sense of helplessness, in that I want to do something to be helpful and supportive, but... what? I feel unable to offer much in the way of comforting words - every time I hear someone say "It's God's plan" or "Everything happens for a reason" I just cringe. I think that's a load of crap. I simply don't believe in a mythical being in the sky watching over us. I don't know what happens to people when they die. I don't say "You're in my prayers" because that would be a lie - I don't believe in praying, and I also don't believe in lying to people. I care very deeply about my family and I have tried to communicate that to them as much as possible. It's awful to see them all hurting so much. I know that as time passes it will get better, but for now, ugh. No parties please.