The Birds and the Bees, or My Kid Says Hilarious Stuff

I must record a few recent conversations for posterity.  One night last week, we were having one of our bedtime chats, when Monkey said, "I'm never going to have kids."  I was surprised to hear this, because he LOVES babies and little kids.  I said, "Really?  You don't want to be a Dad?" to which he responded, totally matter-of-factly, "Well, I have no idea how to breed!"  (He is thinking in terms of "breeding" because he's been playing a game called Dragon City where you collect dragons and breed them to make new dragons.)  I couldn't help laughing, and I told him not to worry, that he'd figure it out eventually.  I then reminded him that we've read It's Not the Stork! about where babies come from, and promised to re-read it with him soon.  At some point in the discussion, he said to me, "If you and Dad are gonna breed, make sure to tell me.  'Cause I might wake up in the night and... [grimace]" (which would seem to indicate that he understood at least a *little* about breeding).

Seriously, this book is fantastic.  It's a must-have for every household.

Fast-forward to this week.  We re-read It's Not the Stork.  Twice.  This was also Bug's first encounter with the book.  Both kids found it fascinating and kept interrupting to ask questions.  Both were especially fascinated by the umbilical cord and Monkey asked, "Wait.  If the cord gets cut when a baby is born, how can more babies be born later?"  (A good question, I thought.)  So I explained about placentas and how each kid gets a new one.  Overall, a fun and interesting read that prompted good discussion with no awkwardness or discomfort at all.  Next we moved on to read "You Are Stardust" which Monkey particularly enjoyed.

You Are Stardust, by Elin Kelsey

This prompted both boys to start reciting that every item in the room was made of stardust - "This pillow is made of stardust!" [giggles] "My elbow is made of stardust!" [giggles] "My toes are made of stardust!" [giggles]  "My penis is made of stardust!"  [huge giggles] and then Monkey looks at me and, mentally searching for the newly-learned word "vulva" and forgetting it, he exclaimed, "Your vagina-butt is made of stardust!"  I knew right away what he meant and we all dissolved in a fit of giggles.  I kept chuckling about that for the rest of the night.  So, ladies, if you need a mental picker-upper, just think about how your vagina-butt is made of stardust.  I dare you not to smile at that thought.

Kids Say the Darndest

There have been a few discussions/quotes in the past week or so that I want to remember so I am recording them here...

As Shane was leaving for work the other day, Bug told him "Have a good adventure!"

We took a trip to Kalahari for Monkey's birthday.  While we were in the wave pool there, Bug was looking into my eyes and smiling as we floated in the wave pool and he said:  "I could just look at you allllll day!"

The other day, during Monkey's small, immediate-family-only birthday party, completely out of the blue he exclaimed, "I'm gay!"  This is a topic that just hasn't really come up yet, so I was quite surprised to hear him say that.  I asked him where he heard it.  He couldn't remember.  I asked if he knew what it meant and he replied something like, "You start out as a girl and then you turn into a boy."  Wanting to be direct and honest and not make a big deal out of it, I said, "Um, no.  Being gay means, if you're a boy - you love boys, and if you're a girl - you love girls."  And he said, "Or it just means you're happy.  So, I'm gay!"  Well okay then.  I was all worried about getting that important conversation just right and he meant it in a completely different way.  Not sure what the grandparents made of that exchange...

At bedtime a couple nights ago, the kids suddenly got super riled up and were maniacally dancing around and singing "What Does the Fox Say?"  My husband, at the end of his patience, attempted to impose some calm and said in a stern voice:  "Alright that's enough.  You are CUT OFF from that song.  There will be no more 'What Does the Fox Say?' today."  I could not contain my amusement at the notion of cutting someone off from a song... I tried not to let the kids see that I was laughing, but my shoulders were shaking too hard.  So that diffused a bit of the effect poor Shane was going for.

Yesterday morning, I asked Bug to stop doing something and he replied, "I just can't help it.  My brain is my brain, and my think is my think."  Sounds like a Dr. Seuss quote or something.


I feel like there are a couple more but they aren't coming to me right now.  I'll update if I remember more...


UPDATE:  One more.  "Dad is sooooo strong.  He could probly lift a elephant right?"  --Bug

Kids Say the Darndest, Prayer Edition

Just a quick funny bit that I want to record...

This year was Monkey's first time playing a team sport, and tonight was his baseball team picnic.  It was held at the local park, and after letting the kids play for a little bit, the coach called everyone in to partake of the potluck dinner.  He announced that it was time to say grace.  Inwardly, I cringed.  I realized that this is something that Monkey hasn't been exposed to much, since we obviously don't pray and the times he's been around it at other places, he didn't really notice what was going on.  I made eye contact with Monkey and signaled to him to be quiet.  In my head, I was thinking, please don't talk during the prayer, please don't talk during the prayer, please don't talk during the prayer.  The coach rambled on for a few moments:  "... blah blah blah... the shed blood of Jesus Christ..." Oh no, he said blood.  Monkey will certainly notice and comment on that!  "..blah blah blah... amen."  Whew!  We made it!  Got thru the blessing without incident!  Yay!

And then Monkey said, loudly and clearly,  "WHAT DID WE HAFTA DO THAT FOR?"

Facepalm.  For just a beat, it was silent, but then Shane & I laughed and then everyone else did too.  But it was definitely a little awkward.  Ah the joys of being a nonreligious person in a small and very religious town.  Monkey had a great time though, and was beyond thrilled to receive his first ever trophy!

Way to go, Monkeyman!

Later this evening, we did have a conversation where I explained what was going on.  I told him it's just something religious people do before they eat to be grateful for the food they got to eat and the people they got to be with, which is a nice idea.  And that next time it happens, to just be quiet and respectful and wait for it to be over and don't say anything.  He said, "Okay, Mom."  So, that was today's learning moment.

Mama's Boy

Monkey:  Why does Daddy live at a different place from Gommy?
Me:  Well, when he grew up, he married me, and moved into his own house.
Monkey:  I want to be with you always!  I would never think of moving, 'cause I love you!
Me:  Okay that's fine with me!  *heart melts*

Oops!

So I was talking to my mom on the phone the other day, and we were reminiscing about a local restaurant we used to go to every Saturday morning when I was a kid.

Me:  Ahhh, I remember that place!  That's where I discovered how well scrambled eggs and cream cheese go together... and the first place I tasted coffee... and that was where I learned Santa wasn't real!

Max:  WHAT!?!  SANTA. ISN'T. REAL?!?

Oops.  He was engrossed in playing a video game and it did not even occur to me that he was listening. I just chuckled and said, "Haha... I was just joking!" and he didn't ask any more questions - probably because he's not ready to ask those questions yet.  (When he does start asking, I plan to do a lot of "Well, what do you think?" and let him work it out for himself.)  Crossing my fingers that he'll forget about this conversation by Christmas...

Electricity

The other day, Monkeyman was looking out the window and asked me if you could hang from "the computer ropes."  What?  "The computer ropes."  I couldn't figure out what he was talking about until I followed his gaze out the window and realized he was talking about the electric lines, strung between the poles along the road.  He had apparently gathered that there was some kind of relationship between those wires and the computer.  (BTW, I love it when kids invent words and phrases for things when they don't know the real words for them.  They always come up with great stuff that gives you a peek into how their minds work!)  So anyway I told him that no, we could definitely not hang from them, or even ever touch one if it happened to be down, or we could get a bad, bad shock that would hurt a lot.  We then proceeded to discuss electricity and I explained that those wires carry electricity from faraway power plants to be delivered to all the houses, to power everyone's electronic devices.  I asked him to think of some examples of things in our house that need electricity, and he did (computer, tv, lights, etc.).  I explained that the power lines connect to our house in the basement, and that there are wires that run throughout the walls which connect to the outlets where we plug our stuff in.  Then, I decided to bust out an old science kit that my mom Santa had given me for Christmas years ago, and we did a little experiment where we built a simple circuit.  Monkeyman thought this was very cool!

At first it didn't work, which was kind of good because it helped illustrate how a circuit must be completely connected or the electricity won't be able to flow through it.  After re-checking all of the connections, we found the loose one and corrected it and voila:

Then we added a switch.  Here it's open, breaking the circuit, so the light is off.

Here the switch is closed, completing the circuit, so the light is on!

This is the little kit we used.  It's got some good stuff in it - we will definitely be using it again!

Another thing we talked about was what it was like before people had electricity; all the conveniences and amusements we're used to, that people haven't always had, and what they must have done without them.  So, for the next step, we are planning to have an electricity-free evening.  This is the perfect time of year for it too, since it still gets dark pretty early.  I need to get a new wick for my oil lantern, and we'll use that and some candles for illumination, cook something to eat over a fire outside, and play electricity-free games and read books for the evening.  I'm really looking forward to it!

It seems like our best learning moments are spontaneous like this, resulting from him asking a question and us investigating the answer together.  If I had just said "Ok, sit down, today we are going to learn about electricity," I don't think that it would have been as effective.  But since his mind had turned in this direction on its own, and he was actively wondering about the concept, he was ready and willing to absorb the information.  This is what I mean when I describe "child-led" or "child-directed" learning to someone.  My job is simply to be a facilitator - which is why we have this house full of random stuff - so we have what we need handy to jump on whatever it is that comes up next!

GREAT question!

So tonight at bedtime, Monkeyman & I were doing this thing we do, where we jokingly compete for who loves who more:

Monkey:  I love you!
Me:  I love you 7 times more than that!
Monkey: I love you 10 times more than that!
Me:  Well, I love you 35 times more than that!
Monkey:  Well, I love you 100 times more than that!
Me:  Oh yeah, well, I love you 1,000 times more than that!
Monkey: I love you 100,000 times more than that!
Me:  Well, I love you a million times more than that!
Monkey:  (pauses) Hey, what is the last number?

"Last number" meaning:  "What is the very highest number?" so he can use that to outdo me.  It just struck me as a really great question - I love the way his mind works.  I told him that there is no "last number" and explained the concept of infinity and he thought that was really cool.  "Oh, like on Toy Story, right?"  And I replied that yes, when Buzz Lightyear says "To Infinity and Beyond" he means "On and on, forever."

So that's our math lesson for the day - a review of the concepts of "greater than" and "infinity".  :)

Dear Santa...

Today I helped Monkeyman write his first letter to Santa.  He dictated and I wrote:

"Dear Santa,

I want a scooter, and I need a helmet and knee pads for it.  And I want a drum set.  Oh, and I want a dirtbike Wii game too.  I want a guitar.  I want my drum set to have cymbals.  Let me think some more.  I'm thinking about having a pet, like a little dog.  I can like Noodle and another dog too.  I want him to be white and brown and red and yellow.  And green.  I want a toy clock that's blue & yellow, with buttons on it.  I want it to be a cuckoo clock with a goose in it.  I want a new toy train to go on the train table on the porch.  A new hat that is red and yellow and blue.  You should give me all these things because I like you, and I like toys.  Also, I'd like my scooter to be red and yellow and blue and green.  So whenever we go to a park, I can have a scooter to ride on.  Also a toy computer with a whole bunch of games on it, with Legos on it.  Also a Lego forest with a whole bunch of guys that swing around on some ropes.  I think that's all.  Thank you.

Love,
Monkeyman

PS.  My Mommy wrote this for me but I told her what to write.

PPS.  Bug would like a toy piano, that's red yellow green blue indigo and violet and orange."

 
This was exciting to me because it's kind of his first "writing exercise" and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing what he came up with.  I did try a few times to gently steer him away from all the "I wants" but he wasn't having any part of it, he just had to get his thoughts out.  (Ah well, he's five.  Maybe a bit more decorum next year?)  I think I'm going to come up with some prompts and have him dictate some stories for me, until he learns how to write fluently himself.  I've read about others using this method, and after this exercise, he seems to be ready for it.  It was fun for both of us, and he seemed quite pleased with himself for "writing" that whole long letter.  When he decided he was done, he signed his name and we put it into an envelope which he then "addressed."  I wanted to save it forever, but he is intent on giving it to the mailman tomorrow.  (I did scan it so I have a copy at least.)  Monkeyman was planning on standing out front and holding his hand up *makes a STOP gesture* to get the mailman to stop and take his letter.  However, I assured him that just sticking it in the mailbox and putting the flag up will get the job done just as well.  Gotta love the magic of Christmas!**


**Yes, I know I'm an Atheist, but I have to agree wholeheartedly with Leanna's recent post at Life on the Hill - I have always loved Christmas and I will always celebrate it.  I love sending cards, baking cookies, putting up the tree, decorating the house, driving around looking at Christmas lights, spending time with the people who matter most to me, and finding ways to show my appreciation and love for them.  I don't need to be a Christian to do any of that stuff.  Also, although it may seem like a contradiction to let my kids believe in Santa - it is only a temporary belief.  I think a little bit of magic is okay in childhood.  Some of my fondest early memories involve the wonder of Christmas and I don't think I ever felt damaged by eventually finding out the truth.  Actually, I think that realization may have played a part in helping me realize that certain other things weren't real either - much, much farther down the road...

Bedtime chats are the greatest

We always have the most interesting whispered talks at bedtime. Last night's made me smile.

Max: Do you remember when I came out of your belly?
Me: Yes.
Max: I don't remember when I came out of your belly.
Me: It was my favorite day ever.
Max: When was it?
Me: February 27.
Max: Ohhh! *gears in head click* (he knows that's his birthday)
Max: Was it dark out?
Me: No. It was the middle of the afternoon. It was wintertime, but it was an unusually warm day and the sun was shining and there was a beautiful blue sky with white puffy clouds.
Max: Where were we?
Me: At the hospital.
Max: First you were a little baby, then you grew up, then I was in your belly.
Me: Yep, that's right.
Max: And Dad was before you. So I think you came out of Dad's belly.
Me: *stifling laughter* Ah, no. Babies only come out of girls' bellies. Babies don't come out of boys' bellies.
Max: Oh. Then where did you come from?
Me: I came from Grandma's belly.
Max: You mean your mom?
Me: Yes. And Daddy came from Gommy's belly.
Max: Ohhhhhh!
(I am a little relieved that it hasn't yet occurred to him to ask how we all got in the bellies to begin with. I'm sure it won't be long though...)

And tonight as I was putting him in bed: "I like Daddy better. And I like you super better. And I like Grandma super better. And I like everybody a whole lot."

Conversations about death with a 5-year-old

I am slightly jealous of religious people today. This morning, I had a conversation with Max about death, our second ever on this topic, and I can see where it is so much easier to have a ready-made fairytale story to explain things to kids. When my grandmother died in April, I chose not to bring it up to Max because he didn't know her well and I felt it would confuse and/or scare him... I decided it would be better to wait until he asked questions instead. A couple weeks after she died, out of the blue he asked to go see her, which was unusual because he had never asked that before. I'm sure he must have picked up on bits of the adult conversations going on around him. Here's how it went:

Max: Hey, we need to go see Great Grandma!
Me: We can't, honey.
Max: Why?
Me: Well, she died.
Max: She DIED?
Me: Yes.
Max: Why?
Me: Well, she was an old lady and she had lived a long, long time, and it was just her time to go.
Max: Why?
Me: Well, everybody dies, eventually.
Max: I don't want Gommy to die!
Me: Me neither! Hopefully that won't happen for a long time.
Max: Are you gonna die?
Me: Yes, someday.
Max: I don't want you to die!
Me: Me neither!
Max: Am I gonna die?
Me: Yes, someday. But you don't need to worry about it right now. It won't be until after you're an old man, after you get married and have babies, and those babies grow up and have your grandbabies.
Max: Oh, okay.

And that was pretty much it. Until this morning, about three months later, when he started asking questions again. Besides the subject matter, it's the out-of-the-blue-ness that throws me off - I was barely awake yet and suddenly we're having this heavy discussion.

Max: Remember when Great Grandma died? When is she coming back?
Me: She's not, honey. When you're dead, you're dead. You don't get to come back.
Max: Really?
Me: Yes.
Max: Am I gonna die?
Me: Yes, someday.
Max: I don't wanna die!
Me: I don't want you to either.
Max: When will it happen?
Me: Nobody knows. Hopefully it won't be for a very, very long time. Like when you're an old, old man.
Max: Will it hurt?
Me: I don't know. Nobody knows what it will be like for them.
Max: And you're gonna die?
Me: Yes, someday. Hopefully not for a long time.
Max: And Dad? And Emmett?
Me: Yep.
Max: This is making me really sad.
Me: I know. It's not something I like to think about. It's kinda scary, huh?
Max: Yeah.
Me: Well it's scary for grownups too. But you don't have to be worried about it because it's not going to happen for a long, long time, okay?
Max: Okay.

But today he did keep worrying about it, almost to the point of tears. He kept asking me what happens and I kept telling him no one knows. Finally, I did use "Lots of people think you go to a place called Heaven when you die, where you get to be with all your friends and family who died before you. But nobody really knows for sure." Had he asked me if I believed that, I would have answered truthfully that while I think it's a nice idea, I don't really believe it, no. I felt a little dirty for bringing it up, but I thought it might ease his worries a bit, although I don't think it really did. When he's older, we can have more in-depth and sophisticated conversations about things. But for now I'm trying to find balance between being open and honest yet keeping him from being afraid and anxious. Tricky stuff.

How do YOU talk to your kids about death? I'm curious how others handle it...

Random tidbits from my day...

So I'm kind of an atypical homeschooler. Besides the other stuff I've talked about, I also generally hate cooking and detest gardening. But I DO like making my own bread from time to time (it's practially a law that you must do this if you're a homeschooler), so I did that today. It was an enormously exhausting amount of work to dump those ingredients into the bread machine, but I did it. Whew! *wipes brow*


Ta-da! Be very jealous, because this bread is super yummy and my house smells SO good! I used my favorite recipe out of my beloved bread machine cookbook which I discovered at a used bookstore for $4. Here 'tis (adapted for a 2 lb loaf):

Oatmeal Bread
Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups water
2 Tbsp oil
3 Tbsp maple syrup
3 cups bread flour
1 cup wheat flour
2/3 cup oats
2 1/2 Tbsp powdered milk
2 tsp sea salt
1 Tbsp active dry yeast

Instructions:
Dump the stuff in the machine, in the order listed. Turn on machine (basic 2 lb setting). Go do other stuff for about 3 hours. Take bread out & let cool. Eat bread.

This type of cooking is just perfect for my skill level and attention span. Actually that's my real problem with cooking; I get bored waiting for things to cook so I go do something else to kill time and then forget I was cooking. I could probably do a whole other blog called "Sh*t I've ruined in the kitchen" or something to that effect.

Another cool thing that happened today was that we met this guy while we were out cruisin' around:



He was strolling across the road, and being that we're homeschoolers, and on no one's schedule but our own, we were able to take the time to stop and rescue him from the fate of becoming a turtle pancake. I brought him over to the van to let Max see him up close, and he was fascinated. He noticed the plates on the top of its shell and gingerly felt them as well as the smooth underside. (Don't worry, I made sure he stayed clear of the head area, lest his poor little digits become turtle treats.) He checked out how its legs were all tucked in and also noticed the long "fingernails" and was very respectful of them. For a moment I was tempted to bring Mr. Turtle home, but we don't have anywhere to keep him, plus it just seems mean to capture a wild creature to turn it into a pet - and he'd already had enough stress for one day, wondering if these weird, pale two-legged monsters were gonna eat him. Once we completed our turtle inspection, I gently placed him in the weeds far off the side of the road.


Bye Mister Turtle! Nice to meetcha! Now stay away from the roads ok? I definitely see some more in-depth turtle studies in our near future...

Oh yeah - moments before we discovered the turtle, a deer had jumped out in front of us and ran in a straight line up the road ahead of us. I slowed down to keep a safe distance and we followed him for a few moments before he zigged... then zagged... then did one of those graceful, slow-motion-looking leaps they do, and disappeared into the brush. I have a thing for deer - I just love when I get to have a peek at one! It constantly amazes me that such large animals live so closely among us yet stay nearly invisible most of the time.

Finally we passed a guy walking along the side of the road with a red bandanna on his head. Naturally, Max decided he must be a pirate. When we got home, he excitedly told Daddy, "DAD! We saw a DEER and a TURTLE and a TRAIN (yeah we saw one of those too) and a PIRATE today!!!" Many people think we live in a boring little small town, but they have no idea how exciting this place really is!

Miscommunication...

This morning, Grandma & Grandpa came over to have coffee & hang out for a bit. I was making breakfast for the kids and I asked Max if he wanted a bagel or toast. He said, "I WANT TOOOOOOAAAST!" and Grandma corrected him: "Please." Max ignored her. She said, "PLEASE may I have some toast?" He ignored her again and she repeated it a little more sternly - "Max! PLEASE may I have some toast?"

Then he said... "Mom! Grandma wants some toast!"

Today's memorable comments

1. Today - totally out of the blue - Max looked at Emmett, shook his head, and said to me, "I don't know how he got outta your belly!"


2. I am currently suffering from a bad cold. Here's the conversation Max & I had while I was tucking him into bed tonight:

Me: I can't stay long because I need to go lay down.
Max: Are you gonna feel better tomorrow?
Me: I sure hope so.
Max (hugging me): I'll take care of you.
Me: *heart melts*

Phone Call, Interrupted

Me: Max, I have to make a phone call and I need you to wait quietly and not interrupt me ok?
Max: Ok, mom. *leaves room*

2 minutes later:

Max: Mom, I need to tell you something.
Me: *sigh* Max, I told you not to interrupt ok - quick, what do you need?
Max: I love you! You're awesome! *grins impishly, runs away*

I guess I can't really be upset with him for that one! :)

Kids say the darndest...

This morning, Max was playing a Curious George game on the computer. The following conversation ensued and made me chuckle:

Max: "Mom, we don't have a George."
Me: "That's right, we don't. What DO we have? (I'm expecting his reply to involve our dog or our cats).
Max: "Well... we have Dad!"

Happy New Year!

Ok, it's been way too long. I could use the "too busy because of the holidays" excuse but really I just haven't been inspired to write anything. I have some topics brewing in my head though, and I am going to try harder to write more frequently this year. My new year's resolution is to start getting my toes in the water and begin getting involved with some homeschool groups & activities. If I were sending my son to public school, he would be starting Kindergarten this fall. But as I am rejecting the public school system, I don't really feel the need to wait until Aug. 22nd (or thereabouts) to begin. My state's laws only require that I notify my local school district in writing of my intent to homeschool at the beginning of each school year, but I am a little nervous about that process and will definitely share my experiences with that when the time comes.

One thing that I think everyone does at the beginning of a new year, is to look back over the past year. I remember seeing a friend collecting some of her parenting-related Facebook statuses and posting them together on her blog... I liked the idea so I'm going to do the same thing, just some highlights for myself to remember:

Jan 03- GUESS WHO SLEPT THRU THE NIGHT LAST NIGHT?!?!? :D
Jan 03- Max & I were dancing to "Twistin' the Night Away" earlier... when it came around again on the playlist he yelled, "COME ON MOM, LET'S TWIST!"
Jan 19 - When I woke up to the baby crying at 4:20am, I was so groggy that my first thought was, "SHHHH! You'll wake the baby!!! Oh. You are the baby. Nevermind.
Jan 22- LOL Max just asked me for "sparkles" on his sugar cookie. (He meant sprinkles)
Jan 31- My favorite Sunday morning activities - drinking coffee, watching "This Old House" on PBS, and oh yeah, Shane made some awesome Raspberry Belgian Waffles! Yum!
Feb 09- I asked Max what he thinks he might like to be when he grows up. His response: "A Jeep!"
Feb 25- Dear Sleep: I miss you so much. Love, Jenny
Feb 27- Today is the 4th Anniversary of the day I became a Mommy. Happy Birthday, Maxwell - I love you so much! I have learned more from you than from any other person on the planet!
Mar 06- Just watched my 4 yr old get his first ice cream headache... he got this puzzled look then started rubbing his face and going "Ow - mah head!" Does the fact that I was LOL-ing mean I'm a bad mother?
Mar 06- Me (tucking Max into bed): "Je t'adore. That's how you say I love you in French. Je t'adore." Max: "Shut da door?"
Mar 22- This evening's entertainment consisted of cheering on the baby while he was trying to roll over onto his belly... it was pretty humorous. He succeeded twice today (first times ever) - GO Emmett!
Mar 26- Max (barely age 4), stalling for a few more minutes before bedtime: "Mom, wait, I need to talk to you." Me: "Ok, what?" Max: "What species of dinosaurs lived in the Jurassic?"
Mar 30- Dear thief who stole my groceries out of my car tonight. F you. Oh, and that little cooler you took from the front seat? I seriously doubt you'll have any use for my breast pump and milk. Thanks a lot A-hole.
Apr 11- My friend's son is here playing Max's Gameboy. He just exclaimed, "Aww this game is awesome, it's like, a frog game!" Yeah - it was Frogger. Feelin kinda old now.
Apr 17- The baby talking gibberish to, and making raspberries at the cat = SO CUTE!
Apr 18- Found us a minivan... Yeaya! Never thought I could be so excited to get a minivan!
Apr 22- Max just told me that he "would be delighted" if I'd make him a peanut butter & jelly sandwich. Some vocab on that kid LOL!
Apr 30- In Super Mario Bros, Max thinks that Bowser (guy at the end of the castle levels) is an ankylosaurus. Today, he got to one of the higher levels where Bowser throws hammers at you. He said, "Oh! That ankylosaurus has TOOLS!"
May 05- Oooohhh... ya know what's worse than having a wasp in the house? Working up the nerve to squish it on the ceiling... SMACK! ...and then it disappears! WHERE THE HECK DID IT GO?
May 17- would really like to meet the person who decided it was a good idea to make car doors that lock automatically when you are driving... and punch them in the face. Hard.
May 20- Max just got a little boo-boo on his toe and was crying... I told Shane maybe I would take Max for some I-C-E C-R-E-A-M (spelled it out) to cheer him up, and he wailed, "Nooooooo I don't want ICE on my boo-boo!" We didn't know he knew how to spell that! LOL
May 26- *sigh* I had to be THAT mom today. You know, the one in the store with the screaming, full-meltdown, tantrum having little kid. Much thanks to the kind stranger who offered to carry the baby to the car for me so I could drag the kicking & screaming 4yr old.
Jun 01- Emmett started crawling on Friday... and this morning I found him standing up in his crib! Somebody tell my baby to slow down - he is growing up way too fast!
Jun 13- Emmett grinned at Shane this morning and said "Da-da" :)
Jun 19- we are going on a vacation from technology... no tv no computer no internet no nuthin. in a few more hrs no cell phone either. should be interesting.
Jun 19- kids r sleepin in the back and we r listening to "life & times of the thunderbolt kid" by bill bryson on cd. (highly recommended) gonna be leaving the country in a few minutes! ttfn usa!
Jul 01- ahhh... one of the simple joys of parenthood... letting Max answer the phone when telemarketers call!
Jul 05- Quote of the night (from Max): "Come on fireworks, why are you takin so long? I havta pee!"
Jul 06- Max, sitting down to breakfast this am: "Ohhh I don't want YOGURT!" Me: "Yeah, you're right. That stuff's gross. You don't want it. Don't you dare eat that." Max: *ornery grin, immediately begins shoveling it in* I'm constantly amazed at how well reverse psychology works on kids! :)
Jul 08- Conversation with Max yesterday - Me: "Oh shoot." Max: "Don't say that Mommy, it's a bad word." Me: "Not it's not, honey, shoot's ok." Max: "Oh. Shit's a bad word, right?" Me: "Yes, that's a bad word and you shouldn't say it." Max: "But you say shit all the time!" So I told him that Mommy's a bad girl and shouldn't say it either. Now he keeps reminding me out of the blue, "Hey Mom, shit's a bad word." Thanks Max.
Jul 20- just noticed a spider right outside my window struggling with a huge moth caught in its web... so I showed it to Max. He said "Oh no! They're fighting?! How can we help them be friends?"
Aug 01- Had such a blast watching the hot air balloons in Canton this morning! Will be posting pics in a bit...
Aug 04- I just scraped the biggest fattest hairiest spider off the bottom of Max's bare foot *shudder*. I think I did a decent job of hiding my horror and revulsion though.
Aug 20- Today was a great day. Life is so good. [note to self: this was the day we went to Preston's Hope playground]
Sep 02- Emmett had his first taste of Swenson's today, and proclaimed it good.
Sep 08- Witnessed the most epic battle between the 4 year old and the 35 year old tonight, involving toy swords and wrestling. I <3 boys!
Sep 13- Watched "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" with Max tonight... he LOVED it - classic!
Oct 05- My little Emmett officially has a favorite food - cheese. If he sees the shredded cheese bag he shrieks until we give him some. Today I gave him a handful of tiny bits of string cheese, and it was like watching a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos - his little hands snatched up all the pieces so fast and stuffed em in like someone was about to steal them away from him! Sigh... a child after my own heart.
Oct 12- I have a wicked crick in the neck after spending the night on the couch with a sick 4yr old. On a related note, is there anything sexier than a man who will clean up large amounts of puke in the middle of the night? Sorry ladies, he's taken and he's all mine.
Oct 14- Emmett was just headbanging to Baby Einstein...
Oct 15- We were sitting at a railroad crossing today watching a train go by, when Max noticed that one of the flashing red lights on the signal was burned out. So I told Max I was calling Sir Topham Hatt and I called the 800 number on the pole to report it. :)
Oct 22- in the waiting room at the drs office with Emmett... he has a rash on his face & body that the receptionist just declared "impressive." hope he's ok...
Oct 26- Ahhh... Afternoon massage. That's when I lay on my stomach on the floor and let the baby crawl all over me.
Oct 30- I have pioneered a new medical technique... it turns out, if you draw a bandaid on a booboo it heals faster than using the conventional method. The patient was giggling uncontrollably before I was done administering treatment!
Nov 06-Happy first birthday to my sweet little ray of sunshine, Emmett. I am so very glad you came to join our family a year ago today. <3
Nov 07- Whew! Emmett's bday party was a success! Managed to squeeze 22 people into my little house without bumping too many elbows. Now I'm gonna have another plate of Shane's amazing baked ziti and take a nap.
Nov 09- Emmett JUST took his first steps! Goooooo Emmett! :)
Nov 12- Emmett has had a lot of firsts in the past week: first birthday, first tooth, first steps, and now - first cold. It is really quite amazing how much stuff can shoot out of that tiny little nose. Poor lil guy.
Nov 14- When I got home from work earlier, Emmett alternately hugged me and vigorously shook his head "no" over and over. I think he was trying to tell me not to leave him ever again. He's so damn cute!
Nov 20- If you have never watched a 4 yr old trying to do a maze while hiccuping, I highly recommend it.
Nov 25- I am thankful for this house that keeps me warm and dry; for the fact that I have food in my cupboard; for my beautiful, healthy babies; for my wonderful husband; for all of my friends and family; and for this fantastic piece of technology called Facebook that lets me connect and re-connect with people in my life. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
Nov 29- Received my first kiss from Emmett today. :)
Dec 03- Today Emmett's crawling to walking ratio has shifted. He now realizes he can get around better on two feet than on all fours and is mostly walking. My baby's growing up.
Dec 05- Me: "Max, what should we make for dinner tonight?" Max: "Hmmm... how bout peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly and a baseball bat?"
Dec 12- Emmett was talking gibberish this morning, and Shane said, "I think he just said Volkswagen Tiguan!" which is funny cuz that's pretty much exactly what baby gibberish sounds like.
Dec 16- So my mom called while I was in the shower... Max answered and she pretended to be Mrs. Claus. He came running into the bathroom & said, "MOM! I just talked to the Girl Santa!!! I told her I want Supa Mario Wii and Supa Mario Galaxy!" LOL
Dec 24- Just saw 3 deer in our yard - we told Max they were reindeer spies checkin up on him for Santa. Heh heh heh...
Dec 24- As excited as I was for Christmas Day to get here when I was a kid, I'm even more excited now that I'm a mom. Can't wait to watch Max & Em open their presents tomorrow!

TL;DR: Parenthood rocks.

Tonight's dinner table conversation

So today we had our septic tank pumped. Max was fascinated by the great big truck in our driveway, and the whole process - we talked about the plumbing in the house and pipes under the ground and where things go, etc. At dinner, he often likes to share the happenings of his day with Daddy...

Max: "Guess what, Dad?"

Dad: "What?"

Max (very excitedly): "We saw a POOP TRUCK today!"

Max's first story

I just want to write this down quick so I remember it - Max made up his first story ever tonight. After watching "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" (again) this evening, I asked Max if he would like to shrink himself real tiny like those kids in the movie did.

Max: "Well I was real tiny when I used to live in your belly."
Me: "Oh really, you remember that?"
Max: "Yeah, and I didn't want to come out of there 'cause it felt really nice in there."
Me: "Oh really?"
Max: "Yeah and there was another tiny baby in there too. He was a lizard. He had tiny feets. My tiny feets were bigger than his tiny feets."
Me: "Hmm. What was his name?"
Max: "Cracky." (That name comes from his name for scrambled eggs. He calls them "cracky eggs" because I crack the eggs into a bowl to make them.)