Ok, I have tons of homeschooling-related stuff to post, but I just wanted to quickly record some thoughts that came to me today...
Bug's birthday is coming up, and this evening I started to reminisce about my pregnancy with him... which eventually led me to think about my uncle who passed away about 6 weeks before he was born. Not only is it amazing that Bug has been here 3 years already, but I can't believe Uncle Kim (Bug's middle name comes from his middle name) has been gone for 3 years either. I was remembering being very pregnant at his funeral - the only occasion I had to wear "dressy" maternity clothes during either of my pregnancies - and having my distant relatives fawning over me and asking "Boy or girl, when are you due, do you have a name picked out?" type questions, which was actually kind of a helpful distraction since I detest funerals. Different memories and images of him are flashing through my mind. I remember his voice, the distinct way he talked, his laugh - and how he always seemed to be laughing. I remember running into him at work one night, when I was pregnant with Monkey, and I remember him timidly asking if he could feel the baby kick... and I remember him standing with me, smiling, in the middle of my store, with his hands on my belly. (Side note: strangely, I normally do not like other people touching me or being in my personal space, but when I was pregnant I actually liked letting people feel my belly, sharing that.)
I still feel a twinge of anger that he's gone whenever I think about it. Just not fair that this world had to lose someone so smart and fun and full of life, so early. So, that's all. Just missing you, Uncle Kim, and don't really have anywhere else to address that feeling so it's going here.
Showing posts with label sad stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad stuff. Show all posts
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Conversations about death with a 5-year-old
I am slightly jealous of religious people today. This morning, I had a conversation with Max about death, our second ever on this topic, and I can see where it is so much easier to have a ready-made fairytale story to explain things to kids. When my grandmother died in April, I chose not to bring it up to Max because he didn't know her well and I felt it would confuse and/or scare him... I decided it would be better to wait until he asked questions instead. A couple weeks after she died, out of the blue he asked to go see her, which was unusual because he had never asked that before. I'm sure he must have picked up on bits of the adult conversations going on around him. Here's how it went:
Max: Hey, we need to go see Great Grandma!
Me: We can't, honey.
Max: Why?
Me: Well, she died.
Max: She DIED?
Me: Yes.
Max: Why?
Me: Well, she was an old lady and she had lived a long, long time, and it was just her time to go.
Max: Why?
Me: Well, everybody dies, eventually.
Max: I don't want Gommy to die!
Me: Me neither! Hopefully that won't happen for a long time.
Max: Are you gonna die?
Me: Yes, someday.
Max: I don't want you to die!
Me: Me neither!
Max: Am I gonna die?
Me: Yes, someday. But you don't need to worry about it right now. It won't be until after you're an old man, after you get married and have babies, and those babies grow up and have your grandbabies.
Max: Oh, okay.
And that was pretty much it. Until this morning, about three months later, when he started asking questions again. Besides the subject matter, it's the out-of-the-blue-ness that throws me off - I was barely awake yet and suddenly we're having this heavy discussion.
Max: Remember when Great Grandma died? When is she coming back?
Me: She's not, honey. When you're dead, you're dead. You don't get to come back.
Max: Really?
Me: Yes.
Max: Am I gonna die?
Me: Yes, someday.
Max: I don't wanna die!
Me: I don't want you to either.
Max: When will it happen?
Me: Nobody knows. Hopefully it won't be for a very, very long time. Like when you're an old, old man.
Max: Will it hurt?
Me: I don't know. Nobody knows what it will be like for them.
Max: And you're gonna die?
Me: Yes, someday. Hopefully not for a long time.
Max: And Dad? And Emmett?
Me: Yep.
Max: This is making me really sad.
Me: I know. It's not something I like to think about. It's kinda scary, huh?
Max: Yeah.
Me: Well it's scary for grownups too. But you don't have to be worried about it because it's not going to happen for a long, long time, okay?
Max: Okay.
But today he did keep worrying about it, almost to the point of tears. He kept asking me what happens and I kept telling him no one knows. Finally, I did use "Lots of people think you go to a place called Heaven when you die, where you get to be with all your friends and family who died before you. But nobody really knows for sure." Had he asked me if I believed that, I would have answered truthfully that while I think it's a nice idea, I don't really believe it, no. I felt a little dirty for bringing it up, but I thought it might ease his worries a bit, although I don't think it really did. When he's older, we can have more in-depth and sophisticated conversations about things. But for now I'm trying to find balance between being open and honest yet keeping him from being afraid and anxious. Tricky stuff.
How do YOU talk to your kids about death? I'm curious how others handle it...
Max: Hey, we need to go see Great Grandma!
Me: We can't, honey.
Max: Why?
Me: Well, she died.
Max: She DIED?
Me: Yes.
Max: Why?
Me: Well, she was an old lady and she had lived a long, long time, and it was just her time to go.
Max: Why?
Me: Well, everybody dies, eventually.
Max: I don't want Gommy to die!
Me: Me neither! Hopefully that won't happen for a long time.
Max: Are you gonna die?
Me: Yes, someday.
Max: I don't want you to die!
Me: Me neither!
Max: Am I gonna die?
Me: Yes, someday. But you don't need to worry about it right now. It won't be until after you're an old man, after you get married and have babies, and those babies grow up and have your grandbabies.
Max: Oh, okay.
And that was pretty much it. Until this morning, about three months later, when he started asking questions again. Besides the subject matter, it's the out-of-the-blue-ness that throws me off - I was barely awake yet and suddenly we're having this heavy discussion.
Max: Remember when Great Grandma died? When is she coming back?
Me: She's not, honey. When you're dead, you're dead. You don't get to come back.
Max: Really?
Me: Yes.
Max: Am I gonna die?
Me: Yes, someday.
Max: I don't wanna die!
Me: I don't want you to either.
Max: When will it happen?
Me: Nobody knows. Hopefully it won't be for a very, very long time. Like when you're an old, old man.
Max: Will it hurt?
Me: I don't know. Nobody knows what it will be like for them.
Max: And you're gonna die?
Me: Yes, someday. Hopefully not for a long time.
Max: And Dad? And Emmett?
Me: Yep.
Max: This is making me really sad.
Me: I know. It's not something I like to think about. It's kinda scary, huh?
Max: Yeah.
Me: Well it's scary for grownups too. But you don't have to be worried about it because it's not going to happen for a long, long time, okay?
Max: Okay.
But today he did keep worrying about it, almost to the point of tears. He kept asking me what happens and I kept telling him no one knows. Finally, I did use "Lots of people think you go to a place called Heaven when you die, where you get to be with all your friends and family who died before you. But nobody really knows for sure." Had he asked me if I believed that, I would have answered truthfully that while I think it's a nice idea, I don't really believe it, no. I felt a little dirty for bringing it up, but I thought it might ease his worries a bit, although I don't think it really did. When he's older, we can have more in-depth and sophisticated conversations about things. But for now I'm trying to find balance between being open and honest yet keeping him from being afraid and anxious. Tricky stuff.
How do YOU talk to your kids about death? I'm curious how others handle it...
Monday, May 30, 2011
Memorial Day thoughts...
I must admit that military service is something I have a hard time wrapping my head around. It's something I could never do. Just signing myself away to the government and saying, "Ok, I'm yours - do with me what you will." and then being handed weapons, trained how to use them, and given orders to end the lives of other humans. And what gets me is that every soldier on every side has the same perspective - he is the good guy and the others (as he's been told by his authority figures) are the bad guys. But the guys on the other side - they're not evil monsters. They're people. Just other people. They have people they love, and people who love them back. Perhaps they have been born into a culture that has brainwashed them to hate other cultures and to love causing death - but this doesn't make me hate them, it just makes me so very sad for them. I don't know what the answer is, but it doesn't seem like my country's current course of action is moving the world any closer to peace.
Although I am deeply grateful to the fighters throughout the course of history who have made the ultimate sacrifice for my country, today I keep thinking of the generations of mothers, wives, and families who have had to experience that unimaginably awful knock on the door. When a soldier has died, his problems and pain are over... but theirs goes on, every day, for the rest of their lives, while they continue on without their precious loved ones. I would like to thank them today, and say that my heart hurts for what they've had to endure. I desperately hope that the various colonies of ants on this anthill called Earth can somehow, someday figure out how to coexist without killing each other.
EDIT:
PS. I don't mean to sound un-patriotic, and I mean no disrespect to our soldiers... just sharing my honest thoughts on things.
Although I am deeply grateful to the fighters throughout the course of history who have made the ultimate sacrifice for my country, today I keep thinking of the generations of mothers, wives, and families who have had to experience that unimaginably awful knock on the door. When a soldier has died, his problems and pain are over... but theirs goes on, every day, for the rest of their lives, while they continue on without their precious loved ones. I would like to thank them today, and say that my heart hurts for what they've had to endure. I desperately hope that the various colonies of ants on this anthill called Earth can somehow, someday figure out how to coexist without killing each other.
EDIT:
PS. I don't mean to sound un-patriotic, and I mean no disrespect to our soldiers... just sharing my honest thoughts on things.
Friday, April 1, 2011
A life ended today...
My Grandmother passed away today. She was 92 years old, so it's not like it was unexpected. To be honest - either I'm really insensitive or it just hasn't really sunk in yet - but I'm just not feeling that sad. I do feel relieved for her to be at peace and no longer suffering now. I have spent the last 24 hours poring over old photos and family history-type stuff, and reflecting on her life - a long, full one. My Grandfather, her husband, used to write poems constantly. Here's one of my favorites, that he wrote about her:
How can you be sad for a person who lived a life in which she was so loved? Although I am admittedly quite skeptical about the possibility of an afterlife, if it's possible, I hope they really are together now. I know she's missed him a lot for a long time.
................................................................................................................................
*Bonus extra poem: while I have Grandpa's poems in front of me, let me share one more of my favorites (written about yours truly):
How clearly I remember
When I first saw your face.
It was early in September,
I still recall the place.
It was at your Daddy's drug store
In that small Ohio town.
I was deep in love before
I even put my old bike down.
I knew, when first I saw you,
You simply had to be
The only girl in all the world
To spend her life with me.
I've failed you many times, babe;
But you never did complain.
If you had another go at it,
Would you marry me again?
We've had happy times and sad times,
But, this I know is true:
I'll always and forever
Keep right on loving you.
How can you be sad for a person who lived a life in which she was so loved? Although I am admittedly quite skeptical about the possibility of an afterlife, if it's possible, I hope they really are together now. I know she's missed him a lot for a long time.
................................................................................................................................
*Bonus extra poem: while I have Grandpa's poems in front of me, let me share one more of my favorites (written about yours truly):
A ray of love from heaven
Beamed down upon our hearts,
And gave to us a gift of love
That only God imparts.
A little bit of starlight
Conveyed in human form,
A lovely little baby girl,
All thanks to Him, was born.
Of all the things He's done for us,
Believe me, there are many,
The sweetest thing of all must be
His gift to us of Jenny.
Monday, January 31, 2011
On my mind...
This entry doesn't really have anything to do with homeschooling, but it's something that's on my mind tonight. Tomorrow is my birthday and I am really not in the mood to observe it this year. To be honest, I feel guilty about observing it... I just want to ignore it. Two and a half weeks ago my sister-in-law passed away, unexpectedly and under suspicious circumstances, and it looks like we may never know exactly what happened. My husband's family is just... reeling. She was only 43 years old, and she had 3 children. My heart absolutely breaks for them. There are so many unanswered questions, and an atmosphere of tension, anger, pain, and sadness hovering over everyone. It just feels completely ridiculous to celebrate a birthday right now, especially knowing that she will not get to celebrate any more birthdays of her own. I know that may be a silly way to think about it, but that's how I'm feeling.
These past couple weeks have left me with a sense of helplessness, in that I want to do something to be helpful and supportive, but... what? I feel unable to offer much in the way of comforting words - every time I hear someone say "It's God's plan" or "Everything happens for a reason" I just cringe. I think that's a load of crap. I simply don't believe in a mythical being in the sky watching over us. I don't know what happens to people when they die. I don't say "You're in my prayers" because that would be a lie - I don't believe in praying, and I also don't believe in lying to people. I care very deeply about my family and I have tried to communicate that to them as much as possible. It's awful to see them all hurting so much. I know that as time passes it will get better, but for now, ugh. No parties please.
These past couple weeks have left me with a sense of helplessness, in that I want to do something to be helpful and supportive, but... what? I feel unable to offer much in the way of comforting words - every time I hear someone say "It's God's plan" or "Everything happens for a reason" I just cringe. I think that's a load of crap. I simply don't believe in a mythical being in the sky watching over us. I don't know what happens to people when they die. I don't say "You're in my prayers" because that would be a lie - I don't believe in praying, and I also don't believe in lying to people. I care very deeply about my family and I have tried to communicate that to them as much as possible. It's awful to see them all hurting so much. I know that as time passes it will get better, but for now, ugh. No parties please.
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