I am feeling so proud of myself. I have successfully retrieved the data from the hard drive of my laptop which died two and a half years ago... all by myself! (Well, me and the internet I should say.) *pats self on back* The one thing I was most concerned about getting was the data from a program called MacJournal. It's a very simple program, and just as it's name implies, it's a digital journal. I used it to jot down random thoughts, lists, quotes, websites, stuff I came across, etc. The #1 thing I wanted from there was a letter I had written to Max on his first birthday. And I found it - hooray!!!
Happy birthday my love, my sweet, sweet boy! I can't believe a whole year has gone by already since the day you were born. I still remember the day so vividly. It was the best, most important day of my life. My first memory is of you upside down in the doctor's hands, with everyone in the room cheering, "It's a Boy! It's a Boy!" And then I heard your first cry and I immediately thought, "Wow. I love that voice." Before you were born I always thought all crying babies sounded the same, but your voice instantly sounded distinctly different to my ear. I could have easily picked you out of a whole roomful of crying babies, by sound alone, with no problem.
Bringing you home from the hospital was terrifying. It's amazing to have this brand new little helpless creature in your care. I was so afraid of doing something wrong. That first night, I was changing you and you spit up and started choking a little, and I pretty much freaked out. I didn't know what to do! Fortunately, your dad calmly came over and put you on your belly and patted your back and you were fine. I have to say, you really lucked out in the Dad department. Your Daddy loves you so much, and he takes such good care of you. I love watching the two of you together... I can really see how much joy you bring him. He can make you giggle better than anybody else. And my favorite thing is when you and Daddy are making funny faces at each other - it's so adorable!
I can't believe so many days have flown by already. It's been so much fun to watch you grow and learn, and just to see your personality coming out. And boy, do you have a lot of personality! You are so smart, curious, active and playful. You're both strong-willed and physically strong. When you want to do something - you are GONNA do it! You love music and water and animals, and you have the most beautiful smile that anyone ever had. Your dad and I are amazed by you every day. We've watched you roll over, then crawl, then stand up, then take your first few steps. You are growing up so fast!
I am so thankful that God granted me the awesome privilege of being your Mommy. I waited until a bit later in life to have you, because I wanted to "live a little" first. But once you got here I realized that I hadn't really lived at all before your arrival. It's sort of like I was only seeing the world in black and white before, and now that you're here I can fully see this whole new world full of color. So I am really celebrating this birthday with you, the first year of our life together. I can't say it enough... I love you. I love you. I love you.
Love always and forever,
And another thing I came across is this poem I wrote in Dec 2007, when Max was 13 months old. I never write poems, but I remember this just popped into my head one day so I wrote it down.
"A Day in the Life"
Wake to the sound of happy babbling each morning,
Stumble out of bed, half asleep...
Then see those twinkling eyes and that open-mouthed grin,
That special smile, just for me!
Now I'm glad to be awake.
He learns to do more every day,
Eats his breakfast with a spoon...
There's banana on his shirt and in his hair,
But who cares?
He's a big boy, doing it on his own!
We chase and play - "Raaaaaarrrrrrrrggghhhhh," "Squeeeeeeeeeal!"
Dump out the blocks and put them in again...
Laugh at the dogs and pet the cats,
Pretend to talk on the phone.
"Wanna go bye-bye?"
He grins, brings his shoes, and sits down.
Run some errands, flirt with strangers,
Watch the stop signs go by as we drive.
Have a tantrum when we get home -
Don't wanna go back in the house yet!
Even when he kicks and screams with such tenacity,
I hope that when he's older,
He'll fight for what he believes in
With the same stubborn intensity.
Now he's in his PJ's, fresh from the tub,
We cuddle together in the dark and rock.
Quietly, we talk and sing.
I smell his hair and hold him close.
I give thanks for every moment of the day,
both the easy and the hard parts.
Everything I do, every breath I take,
I exist for him.
So much love!